I want to
speak with you about a unique experience that
is shared
primarily by those who yearn to go deeper in
Christ. It has to
do with a tremendous spiritual
letdown that
usually follows periods of fresh anointing
and divine
revelation. Only those men and women of God
who have had a
unique touch from Him can understand the
deadlock and dark
plunges that follow spiritual highs.
It is the testimony of spiritual giants in all ages,
that the most
severe temptations, the most oppressive
battles - follow
soon after the greatest spiritual
experiences.
Paul's thorn in the flesh came after his greatest
revelation - soon
after he had ascended into the third
heaven and
witnessed things too awesome to describe.
Daniel set himself to pray, and in a spirit of
intercession he
was given wisdom and revelation.
Freshly anointed
with the Spirit of Almighty God, he
was cast into a
lion's den.
The three Hebrew Children entered into a pact to live
holy, separated
lives. They became spiritually and
physically wise
and enlightened beyond all their peers.
It got them a
fiery furnace. Their spiritual hunger
resulted in
revelation, which in turn brought on an
even deeper
spiritual test.
Christ Himself could not escape the inevitable test
that follows
great anointing. He was led into the
wilderness to be
tempted of the devil immediately after
the Spirit
descended upon Him as He came out of
baptismal waters.
He went directly from revelation to
temptation.
I have just recently come through a nearly
indescribable
experience. It started about 6 weeks ago
at a convention
in Dallas, Texas. At the conclusion of
my message
concerning the sufferings of Christ, the
Spirit of the
Lord came upon me in a mighty way,
literally taking
possession of my entire being and
through my lips
began to exalt the Lord Jesus. Only
three words were
spoken - "Glory, Honor, and Praise."
Over and over,
higher and higher, the words poured
forth like a
rushing river.
I was suddenly swept away in that river of praise, and
I felt my
spiritual man leaving the auditorium. My
praises were now
joined to those of angels, of heavenly
hosts around the
throne. Hundreds sat in silence as I
collapsed in the
pulpit. Although my physical body lay
prostrate in that
auditorium, my spiritual man was no
longer on this
earth. I was with the worshipping hosts
near God's
throne. What freedom I felt to praise. What
marvelous light -
so warm and comforting.
I thought, "This must be what saints of all ages have
seen of the
heavenlies." In the spirit, I was
rejoicing,
falling down before him crying out, "Glory,
honor, and
praise. Worthy is the Lamb."
I cannot describe that experience fully. I do know I
will never be the
same. In His presence there was no
thought of seeing
Moses, or Abraham, or any of the
patriarch, not
even Paul. There was no desire to seek
out family or
friends. I saw clearly why there would be
no marrying. I
saw how unimportant the question is,
"Will we
know each other in heaven?"
None of these things mattered. There was no concern for
streets of gold,
or mansions, or even reward. Christ
was everything -
all-consuming, all fulfilling,
all-satisfying.
There was no room for no more. No
earthly memories.
No human attractions. In His presence
there is fullness
of joy, at His right hand there are
pleasures
evermore. It was the revelation of Christ in
eternal glory
that was so overpowering. Truly, in Him
is the fullness
of the Godhead.
I knew at that moment that the joy and ecstasy of
heaven is not
static or level. The joys, the revelation
of who Christ is
will be ever unfolding, all through
eternity. We will
have an ever-expanding capacity to
enjoy His glory
throughout eternity - with newer and
greater joys and
revelations. We will grow in the
knowledge of Him,
and that revelation will give us an
ever-growing
sense of joy and peace. There is a peace
that truly
passeth all understanding.
I did not want to leave that glorious scene. My praises
had become one
with the eternal voices of worship -
while multitudes
worshipped, it seemed as but one grand
and glorious
voice. It was awesome! I began to realize
how little we
know of the glory of praise, and how our
praises blend
with the praises of all saints of all
ages-into one
glorious, eternal chorus.
And what glorious light! It permeated everything!
Christ radiated,
not rays of light, but diffused light
that brought
life, comfort, joy, and a sense of
nearness to
Himself.
I knew that what I was experiencing was not a result of
any personal
holiness or spiritual goodness on my part.
It was simply God
answering my desperate hunger and my
inner cry to know
Him better - that alone was allowing
me to taste just
a little bit of His glory.
When I awakened and sat up, my wife was relieved.
People thought
for a moment I may have had a heart
attack. But she
was at ease when she saw the glory of
the Lord on my
face. The afterglow was so powerful, it
was a long time
before we spoke a word to each other.
That night I thought I could never again go down into a
valley of
despair. Hadn't I seen a glimpse of His
glory? Was it not
the greatest single revelation in my
lifetime? Had I
not set my heart to abandon all fleshly
ways, to go all
the way with God? Certainly some would
think such an
experience is emotional, too charismatic,
or even
unscriptual. But no one can take from me what I
experienced - it
was too sacred and awesome.
It was less than a week later that I entered into the
driest six weeks
of my life. I seemed to go from the
heavenlies, to
agonizing emptiness. Not that I once
doubted His love
for me. On the contrary, I loved Him
more than ever.
My salvation was never in question.
I had thought tremendous growth would soon follow. I
would increase in
spiritual revelation by leaps and
bounds. My hunger
for Him would be answered by
ever-ncreasing
divine wisdom and biblical revelation.
The Scriptures
would open more easily. Prayer would be
more glorious.
Instead, the heavens seemed to shut on
me. My prayer
life became stifled, and a spiritual
dryness crept in.
I felt like I was stymied, as though
I was losing
spiritual ground. One brother explained to
me that my
present letdown was God's way of getting me
down to earth,
and to avoid all such further emotional
experiences. But
in my heart I knew his remarks came
out of his own
spiritual deadness. He was letter
perfect, spirit
bankrupt.
Certainly God was not in hiding, for He has promised to
never leave or
forsake us. Yet He seemed to have
stopped the flow
of spiritual energy. But deep within
me I could sense
a purpose in the trial. I knew I was
experiencing a
trial common to many others.
T. Austin-Sparks was a pious English minister who had
received
tremendous revelations concerning the
indwelling of
Christ. He is one of my favorite authors.
A dear lady wrote to me this week, telling how she
first discovered
his writings. It touched her so
deeply, she sold
all of her possessions and went to
London to sit
under his teaching. She personally heard
him confess to
his students that every new revelation
he received of
Christ's glory was followed by satanic
attacks on his
physical body. He would experience
terrible
gastritis and stomach pains, sleepless nights,
and extreme
loneliness. Few of his students knew the
price he paid for
such deep revelation.
In one of his writings entitled HIS GREAT LOVE, Brother
Sparks shared
some of his insights on the subject. He
wrote:
"We have a lot to say about the fullness of
Christ, of the church which is His body, and
of identification with Christ. All these are
great truths, great conceptions. But what I
find is this, that we have not come to an end
of God's thoughts yet. I am very glad of
this; but it is the most painful thing we can
know, that we will never come to an end here,
and in order to go on into a further stage
something has to happen to us, get down to
the bottom and clean out of all that has gone
before us. We go through a new experience of
death and desolation and emptiness, of
hopelessness, in order to come to something
further on in the divine revelation.
"We thought, 'Now, we have come into the
fullness of God's thought. Now at length we
are seeing what God is after. We are
expanding.' We get on with that for a time
and it fills our whole vision; and then
everything is as though it were nothing, and
we go through a terrible time. Oh, yes, it
was right, it was true, but it was not God's
whole end.
"My experience is that it is through just
such a history with God, of repeated
desolation and emptyings and sparings after
wonderful unveilings and times when you feel
there cannot be anything more, that you are
brought up again into something further on,
with your vision enlarged."
The greatest revelation the disciples would ever
receive focused
on the resurrection of Jesus Christ. It
was the first day
of the week, and the disciples were
hiding behind
locked doors for fear of the Jews.
Suddenly, there
He was, in full resurrection glory -
victorious over
death, hell, and the devil. He showed
them His hands,
His feet, His pierced side. Then He
breathed on them
and said, "Receive ye the Holy Ghost."
What glorious truths were coming forth. Revelation upon
revelation. A new
anointing, a new commission to go
forth in His
name, power to bind and loose, victory
over the power of
sin.
It was too much for the disciples - especially Thomas.
He reacted with
passive despair. Peter said, "I go a
fishing."
Other disciples went with him.
It was as if Peter wanted nothing more to do with the
high cost of
revelation. Had he not failed one test
already? From
that proud boast that he would never
forsake his Lord,
to despair of denial. Peter could not
take it all in. I
think I know nearly exactly what he
said to himself
as he headed back to his fishing nets -
"I'll never
make it , I'm too dull to understand the
way God works. I
can't comprehend the cross, and how
will I ever
understand His resurrection? I'm making no
spiritual
progress - after all this time I've spent
with Him, I have
understood so little. Let those who
are brighter than
me go on with Him. I'll always love
Him, but no more
delving into the deep thoughts of
Christ. I just
want to do my own thing, in my own quiet
way."
In one way or another most of us react to spiritual
letdowns in the
same manner of speaking. In our
frustration we
mope about, getting lazy about
spirituals -
neither hot nor cold. We move into
spiritual vacuum.
We end up wanting to pray, yet with
no motivation to
do it. We are pricked in our
conscience
because of our neglect of His Word, but the
desire to dig in
has gone. It is a fretful condition to
be in.
We know the Lord has called us to go on in Him, to go
deeper - but
because we do not understand our despair,
we fall back into
our old ways. We get stagnant. Worst
of all, we begin
to feel guilty for our lethargy. Our
fears mount that
we will never measure up to what God
wants for us. So
we will go back to busyness - some to
shopping sprees,
others to their hobbies. Some seek
release in
building something or starting a new
project. The time
once spent with God in growing, is
wasted on some
form of "fishing" - and in an
ever-increasing
bondage to details. We become frivolous
and indecisive.
How many times I've told the Lord and myself - "I'll
never understand
the things of God like I should. The
more I read, the
less I seem to comprehend. I am so
dull, so
spiritually blind, I can't seem to retain what
I read and hear.
The hungrier I get, the less I seem to
grow. I seem to
take two steps back for every step
forward. Why is
it that other men of God get such clear
revelations and
they know so much about Christ - and I
struggle, fast,
pray, and see so little. Lord, am I
making any
progress at all?"
Brother Sparks has an encouraging word along these
lines. He wrote:
"We may adopt different courses in our
perplexities, in adversity, under trial. When
the Lord hides Himself and we cannot see Him,
or hear Him, and we do not feel that He is
with us, He seems to be so far away and to
have gone right out of our world. All we were
expecting seems to have come to an end, and
we do not know where we are, then we are
prone to go some way that we choose for
ourselves, and begin to take alternatives to
steadfast love.
"It is a positive challenge, because these
are experiences, these are tests, that the
Lord allows. It is not a wrong thing to say
that there are times when the Lord hides
Himself, when the Lord lets us feel that we
are left alone, when the Lord seems to close
the heavens to us so that there is no
to-and-fro communication. Everything that we
had looked for, expected and preached, seems
to have come to an end and to have broken
down, and we are just left in what seems like
the ruins of everything.
"The Lord just does do that, and particularly
does He do that sort of thing when He has
people in view who are going to count. People
who are going to count for Him go through
deep experiences like that, and the object is
to get them onto a basis which will make it
possible for Him to use them. We will never
be used unless we can stand on our own feet
in the storm. We are useless to the Lord if
we go to pieces when everything around us,
and in our spiritual life, seems to have come
to a deadlock. If then we give it up, we are
of no use to the Lord. The whole question of
future usefulness to the Lord is based on
upon a love for the Lord which does not give
up and say, 'I go a fishing.' 'I take an
alternative to following the Lord, I take an
alternative to going on with the Lord because
of this situation.'
"This is why the Lord came back, once, twice
- 'Follow Me,' 'Follow thou Me.' 'You went
back under trial, under testing - now follow
thou Me.' And you have got to follow and go
on following when you cannot see Him, when
you do not know where He is, you have got to
go on. These are the kind of people, and
these alone, who will be used as Peter was.
The basis of everything was that kind of
personal love to the Lord Himself, not for
what He was doing for Peter at the time, but
for Himself. Oh, that is difficult - God only
knows how difficult it is - to love Him for
Himself when He does not seem to be doing any
thing for us at all. That is the challenge of
love."
Peter did go fishing, and at the Lord's command he cast
his net on the
opposite side and gathered a tremendous
harvest of fish.
Later, while Peter separated his
catch, Jesus said
to him, "Lovest thou Me more than
these?" In
other words, "Peter , if you love Me, get
back to where you
were. Follow ME - Feed My Sheep. Stop
doing your own
thing - wake up! If you love Me - that
love will turn
you around and get you back on the road
of growth and
usefulness."
Are you going through a most difficult right now? Are
you spinning your
spiritual wheels, in the doldrums of
dryness? Are you
finding it hard to even understand or
explain what you
are going through? I have one question
for you: do you
really love Him? That is all He asks of
you, a love that
obeys. You are experiencing growth
pains. It's all a
part of becoming mature in Christ.
God has His hand
on you more than ever. Satan knows it,
and is trying
everything within his power to sidetrack
you with lies and
distortions. Move on in blind faith
until the joy
returns - and it will. Ride out your
storm, and don't
worry about measuring up. You will
come through on
the other side realizing how much you
have grown. Don't
ever again let your own deadlocks or
dry spells bring
you to despair. Rejoice in them - they
are part of God's
plan to bring us into His purpose and
thoughts.
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